| A few weeks ago a client came to our wellness | | | | buried that pleasure under the shovelfuls of family |
| center complaining that she did not have enough | | | | activities. While there are definite advantages to |
| time in her day since she was so busy at the | | | | finding pleasing activities with one's families, she |
| office and taking care of her family. I asked if she | | | | had other interests that they didn't share, and she |
| regularly slept well and she quickly replied that | | | | even felt guilty for thinking about doing something |
| sleep was difficult owing to the many worries on | | | | for herself. She was not discriminating between |
| her mind when she put her head to the pillow. I | | | | the one and two-word versions! This situation |
| asked for examples and received the usual litany | | | | arises often with mothers who give selfless |
| of worries plus some information about an ailing | | | | devotion to motherhood only to sacrifice the |
| sister and a painful disagreement with another | | | | passions which define them as a person. |
| sibling. After what felt like ten minutes she finally | | | | If you have found that you are slowly losing your |
| paused for a breath, at which time I asked, | | | | self in activities focused on others' interests, stop |
| "What have you done for your self lately?" | | | | and realize that you too are an individual with the |
| She began talking of the recent vacation with her | | | | same right to have as much fun as anyone else. |
| husband, fun but tiring. I gently interrupted and | | | | Take some time to focus on your self: make a |
| asked again, this time more slowly hoping that she | | | | list of healthy, fun activities that you once |
| would grasp the simplicity of it, "What have you | | | | enjoyed before getting married, becoming a |
| done for your self lately?" The question confused | | | | parent, or getting a "real" job. If you can't |
| her because she thought she had just answered | | | | remember those activities, or you feel they are |
| it. I asked a third time, really emphasizing the | | | | no longer an option, explore new interests. You |
| "your self" part of it, and she paused in a way | | | | might enjoy kayaking, rock climbing, or fishing. If |
| that showed she had not thought about her self | | | | you are more introverted, you might prefer |
| in years. She almost wept when she understood | | | | mediation, sculpting, painting, knitting, or playing a |
| what I was asking. | | | | musical instrument. |
| The simple truth is that many of us get so | | | | Once you've identified some interests, figure the |
| caught up in our jobs, families, churches, and | | | | costs. Remove from your list any activities that |
| friends that we forget about our selves - and do | | | | stretch you too far financially or that require too |
| be sure to recognize the difference between the | | | | much time, and then make a pact with yourself |
| one-word and two-word versions. We are so | | | | to take the time for your self. Be honor-bound to |
| consumed by doing things for others that we | | | | stick to your new schedule, and you will find that |
| forget about the joys of doing something just for | | | | this sacred time for your self gives you greater |
| the sheer pleasure of it. | | | | energy, flushes out any unresolved, negative |
| This client mentioned a desire to knit, as her | | | | thoughts, and gives you that needed break to |
| mother had taught her, but shrugged at the fact | | | | help you feel happy and healthy. |
| that she had found the time or other people who | | | | So go ahead, be a bit self-ish. It can be quite |
| shared her passion. She gave up on knitting and | | | | healthy mentally and physically! |